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And another one bites the dust
  • So,
    here we go again.

    I recently had a row with a friend. Been friends for over 20 years.

    Last week I got worrying news. I am facing my second cancer scare. First involved removing a cyst under my jawbone. Known to turn aggressive and spread quickly. Touch wood all good since 2004.

    Wednesday gone am booked into Macmillan. Phone friend on Thursday night. Explain all and that I'm worried and feel mega stressed. I ask if it's ok to get out of London and visit. Friend said she had things to do. Later with hindsight I apologised for inviting myself down. Monday "things to do" turned out to having other friends over and go to a festival. Pretty certain if shoe was on other foot I'd have at least made some kind of compromise and offered to comfort worried friend and also invite them down and if need be split my time between the two groups.

    I explained to friend yesterday that with hindsight I was not happy. That their priorities lay elsewhere and that that was fine as they are entitled to.
    Friend phones up all angry etc and how dare I say such things.

    Fact is fact. I asked for help and a weekend of partying and festivals was more important to them then helping an old friend.
    With hindsight...do I need such a friend in my life (whats left of it) any more?

    Am I being over sensitive?
  • well, bit of both - inviting yourself down could be seen as a bit off putting, i guess. i feel that friend was 'kind of' ok in not doing it, i'm sure that they'd have felt a fair weight of responsibility had you literally just unloaded on them (i'm not knocking you here, it's completely understandable, and yes, they had a bit of a shitty excuse, granted).

    however, them phoning you up all angry and bitching you out? get teh fook! innit.

    anyway, hope you're doing ok BW, feel free to vent - it's all i got, soz!
  • ^Thanks C. Should have said that this friend has an abusive alcoholic partner. Spits in her face and calls her the "coont" word. Beats her etc the works

    For the past year or so she has called me sobbing on the phone. Hardly anytime she called would we be on the phone for less than two hours straight. Once she was on the phone for over three hours. Over and over and over again the same things. I was there for her.
    So I just thought as I'd been there for her whenever needed I expected she would reciprocate.

    Tomorrow is my appointment 2.00pm
  • @Black Window..At least at your age..All of this is mostly emotional problems that can be worked out.

    At my age when someone calls me and says "Did you hear about So and So" I get another Obituary .

    Be glad you are not getting those...
  • I've been asked for help and given it, and asked for it for myself and received it, and those people and I are closer because of it. I'll be thinking of you, for what it's worth.

  • ^Thank you guys x
  • I think @blueshead and @chris have got it pretty well summed-up BW

    …very few friendships are balanced unfortunately (I know I've been reminded of that over the past couple of years!) and sometimes it comes down to original choices, in the friendships at least. I know I've one got one long-standing friend who's a great drinking buddy, if I want to forget shit, but who's crap at being 'a friend'!

    Some friends are good at times of crisis, some are not and listening to their story too, abusive partner, I'm perhaps not surprised they turnout not to be able to offer support (whatever the rights and wrongs)… perhaps you need to ask one of your friends you wouldn't normally, next time?

    There's lots of philosophical stuff out there on the giving and receiving of help in friendships but in the moment it's not what any of us wants to hear, we just want a little help!

    Hope you're appointment went okay yesterday.

    Like chris says, just vent away…

    …we can always ignore you :!: :D
  • ^P...
    Oh absolutely there are all different types of friends. But when one particular friend chooses you as "the only one" to confide in and offload a whole heap of real jaw dropping stuff...NOTE TO SELF " be prepared to experience that all support, confidence, empathy, attentiveness requested in any similar situation in the future NOT TO EXPECT ANYTHING NEAR A FRACTION BEING RETURNED WHEN NEEDED! Some people are just...COONTS!!!

    BUT...knowing me it will happen again because the members of the ungrateful coont tribe will never make me not be true to myself or to the culture I was born into born into.

    Yeah I know...so why the whinging?

    I guess I hate shocks is all. Yeah that's it basically. I hate shocks.

    Big love

    xxx's

    ps
    thanks for concern...results and meet with consultant two weeks time xxx's
  • Ah crap! I hope everything goes well and you have some good news BW x