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  • What's pink and got cobwebs?
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    Madeline McCann's bike.

    ~backs out of thread
  • you said that out loud mate !
  • oi !


    this cartoon has been making the rounds. it resonates. ;)

    how i roll
  • What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
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    Dr Dre :D
  • Cute!!:happy:
  • lol meska

    I like the cartoon mickles :smile:
  • mick said...oi !


    this cartoon has been making the rounds. it resonates. ;)

    how i roll



    tee-hee-hee-hee
  • the kerning's a bit out on the 'w' and 'a' of Edward but otherwise :happy:
  • tee-hee-heee
  • nicko said...the kerning's a bit out on the 'w' and 'a' of Edward but otherwise :happy:


    he's badass, that way. .05 ems inyerface!
  • Q: What's red, white and blue and makes the entire community happy?

    A: Smurfette deep-throating a candy cane
  • ok that's so lame that i'm in awe. LOL! (well done!)
  • The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day,she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

    "I'm in love," the boy replied.
    Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
    "With YOU!" he said.

    "But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

    "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
  • ok... better. heh

    .............

    A man visits his doctor for a health check.

    "I'm afraid that I am going to have to ask
    you to stop masturbating', says the doctor.

    "Oh no, why is that?' asks the worried patient.

    "Well, I am trying to examine you" replies the Dr, "And it is really putting me off".
  • An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’ The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

    The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,

    ‘Well, doc, it’s like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. ‘Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. ‘We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.’

    The doctor was shocked! ‘You asked your neighbor?’

    [hide]The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.’[/hide]
  • This MAY be a joke...prolly just a little story:
    :happy:
    Got it from dao...


    A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew adopted her as a kind of project mascot! .

    They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

    When the girl and her Mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied,'I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.' 'Oh my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too?' The little girl replied, 'I will if them assholes at the building supplier ever deliver the fuckin' sheet rock...'
  • yep, a joke. a pretty good one.
    mick said...

    A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The family's little girl naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door. Eventually the construction crew adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

    At the end of the first week they presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother, who suggested that they take the "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank, the teller asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay at such a young age.

    The little girl proudly said, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

    My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

    She replied, "I will if those assholes at Lowes ever deliver the fucking sheetrock."

    :)
  • A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how She would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

    The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’

    The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

    She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’ To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

    ‘There’s no charge,’ she says.

    ‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says.

    ‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’

    [hide]‘So I just switched the heads.'[/hide]
  • A New Drink


    A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, 'Bartender, got any specials today?'


    Bartender answers, 'Yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink, invented by a patron of ours who is a gynecologist. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka.'


    The guy asks, 'Good grief, what do you call that?'


    The bartender replied, 'It's a 'Pabst Smir.'
  • tee-hee-hee

    Let's see if the fellas get it...;-)
  • :) these men all tend to read a lot; i'm betting on 'em. heh
  • LOL @ mick's "new drink"!!! :D
  • someone forwarded this to me today...made me laugh

    Can you solve this puzzle?

    You are riding on a beautiful white horse.
    On your left side is a drop off.
    On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.
    In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way
    and you can't seem to overtake them.
    Behind you is a stampede of horses.


    What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?



    [hide]Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.[/hide]
  • what's black and sits at the top of the stairs


    [hide]stephen hawking after a house fire[/hide]
  • :surprised: !!eleven

    [hide]ROFL .. because i can and Stephen can't. :D[/hide]
  • If the failed 21/7 bombers had just waited three more days, we'd all be calling them the 24/7 bombers. This would imply that they blow things up all day every day and, despite their actual lack of success, make them at least sound like they were good at bombing.
    Christina Martin, London


    I just saw a van drive by with the company name 'Seafood Solutions'. I must admit, I didn't know seafood was a problem.
    Martin Kristos


    It is said that gentlemen prefer blondes. I hope then that lesbians prefer brunettes, otherwise we might have to organise some kind of rota system.
    Johnny Pring


    I'm beginning to think there may be something in this climate change after all. Four months ago it was very cold and now it's quite warm.
    Alan Heath


    A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that 'God would make her better.' Presumably, that's a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.
    M Lovejoy


    'She can dish it out, but she cannot take it', I once heard someone say of me. And it's true - I'm a school dinner lady and I'm allergic to mashed potatoes.
    Mrs Pinches, Hereford


    I heard on the news that the January storms had cost this country a billion pounds. What an utter waste of money. If anything, they did more harm than good.
    S Prodnipple, Scarborough


    I think Sir Paul McCartney should try to put his current predicament into perspective. In olden days, if you were unfortunate enough to be robbed by an omniped, it would almost certainly be a pirate. At least he's going to come out of this alive.
    Stella Matlock


    Yesterday I received an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for some action. Eager to please the young lady I sent her my ironing. That should keep her quiet for a while.
    Warren


    THIS new police knife amnesty is a bloody nightmare. I dutifully handed all my knives in and now I've got nothing to eat my dinner with.
    Richard Karslake, Oxfordshire


    TO THE zookeeper in 1978 who replied 'I'll tell you when you're older' when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up another one's arse: I'm 36 now and still waiting for that explanation.
    Joe McKeown


    I HAVE just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.
    Neil Palmer


    I'M a terrorist, and when ID cards come into force I will probably employ great cunning and not declare that as my job. I'll probably say I'm a grocer or something.
    A Terrorist


    WHY DON'T NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time.
    Stu Bray


    'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.
    Colum Hill


    'Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak', sang Thin Lizzy in 1976, 'somewhere in this town'. Well, I'm guessing it's going to be at the prison.
    Raymond Wankyb *** cks


    On our wedding anniversary this year, my husband promised to treat me like a Princess. He was as good as his word: he took me for a meal, got completely pi**ed and on the way home crashed into a concrete pillar at 120mph, killing me instantly.
    Mrs B. Essex.


    The person who coined the phrase 'as different as chalk and cheese' obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar.
    John Sampson, Southampton.


    If Eastenders is so true to life, how come none of the loveable Cockney characters are Man Utd supporters?
    P. Sullivan, Birkenhead
  • They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.
    D Evans, London


    If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures Salmon?
    Stalker, Bournemouth

    Why does Frank Bruno get a gong just because he's good at hitting people? I'm brilliant at it but the most I've ever got is 200 hours community service.
    A Woodward, Sheffield


    They say good manners cost you nothing. B*llocks. I sent my daughter to finishing school and it cost me twenty bloody grand.
    J Morgan, Wigan

    If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Derby received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?
    Neil Sedgwick, Nottingham

    In the 20th Century, Britain only made war with countries whose capital cities began with the letter 'B' - Germany (Berlin), Argentina (Buenos Aires), Iraq (Baghdad), and Serbia (Belgrade). China changed the name of Peking to Beijing and we bombed their embassy. One hopes we will show a little more imagination in this century.
    Martin Harwood, Bradford.

    These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down.
    Tim Wakefield, Surrey

    Now I've been going out with my girlfriend for some time, it seems OK when I break wind in bed. It's when I follow through that the petty arguments begin. I will never understand women.
    Chris Mapply, Carshalton.

    We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she 'bravely remained in London beside her husband' during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and p*ssed off, first to France, then North Africa, Italy, France (again) and finally Germany. The shame will always be with us.
    George Nisbet.

    Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London. That's because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe.
    Werner Hoffman, Munich

    I would just like to say a big thank you to all those wonderful young people who stand on motorway slip roads (and in any weather) holding up boards telling us motorists where they lead to.
    B Bollockbrain, Braintree

    Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand Canyon on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with Stan Collymore.
    M Duckworth, Poole

    So Sting is able to shag his wife for five hours without going off. I know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either.
    J Leonard, Hull

    To call Dr Harold Shipman 'Britain's worst serial killer' is utter nonsense. With more confirmed kills to his name than any other UK-based murderer, surely Dr. Shipman is 'Britain's best serial killer'. Colin Stagg, who was arrested in connection with one killing and turned out not to have done it in the first place, would qualify as the country's 'Worst Mass Murderer'.
    Danny King, Balham

    I heard recently that, on average, Alex Ferguson receives two turds in the post each week. What I want to know is, who's sending the other one?
    K Libretto, Welling
  • If the failed 21/7 bombers had just waited three more days, we'd all be calling them the 24/7 bombers. This would imply that they blow things up all day every day and, despite their actual lack of success, make them at least sound like they were good at bombing.
    Christina Martin, London


    ha ha :happy:
  • hehe there are some corkers in there. i didn't bother sorting the wheat from the chaff before copy/pasting the email though ;)
  • MIGHT COME UNDER JOKE HEADING
    :happy:

    Michael Phelps at a very young age! :happy:
  • Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg, on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's fucking hilarious....

    A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
    The librarian says; 'Fuck off, you won't bring it back.'

    I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
    So I pushed her over.

    My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
    We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead.


    The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her
    ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
    Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivees?', Ole demanded.
    'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
    The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of
    decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'


    Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt
    also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
    Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?
    She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.
    Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake of decency, here's
    a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'


    Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over
    her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
    Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?
    She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.
    The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o
    decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit.



    Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples

    FREEZER BAGS:
    They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

    PHOTOCOPIERS:
    These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

    TIRES:
    Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

    HOT AIR BALLOONS:
    Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

    SPONGES:
    These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

    WEB PAGES:
    Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

    TRAINS:
    Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

    EGG TIMERS:
    Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

    HAMMERS:
    Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

    THE REMOTE CONTROL:
    Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

    Worlds first women-only parking lot in Minnesota.
  • Eleven People on a Rope

    Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. Ten men and one woman.

    The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

    They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

    She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

    As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping
  • where was the woman positioned on the rope?
  • lol :happy:, my thoughts exactly jamm. Personally, I would have whistled.
  • there is so much fuel for snorting up there!

    "Well, fer the love 'o
    decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit." .... hurt me. :D

    ..................


    warning: sick joke.

    [hide]Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill.

    "What was that?" The others asked her.

    "Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy."

    A few minutes later, another woman took a pill.

    "What was that?" the others asked.

    "Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong."

    They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill.

    "What was that?" the others asked her.

    "It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this damned sweater!"[/hide]
  • more sick jokes


    [hide]Police today arrested a Thalidomide couple at Heathrow Airport.
    They were charged under the terrorism act, for trying to take small arms onto a plane.

    Did you hear about the thalidomide who died on bonfire night?
    He read the instructions on a firework which said hold at arms length and he blew his head off[/hide]
  • A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary,
    her eight-year-old daughter.
    Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they're bound to be curious about sex at that age."
    "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"


    I was walking in a cemetery this morning and I spotted a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said, "morning."
    He replied, "No, just having a shit."


    I can't think of anything worse, after a night of drinking, than waking up next to someone,
    and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they are dead.


    I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
    How could anyone stoop so low?


    How many Alzheimers patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

    To get to the other side.





    [hide]Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.[/hide]
  • A dog is truly a man's best friend.
    If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
    Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
    When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?






    What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • ha ha, nice one sinar
  • Hehehehehehehheheheeeh!:happy:
  • i stole all of those, Sinar. ;)

    [hide]Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
    A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.[/hide]


    Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.

    After a few days they meet up for lunch.

    The engaged woman:
    The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black Leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the Woman of My life. I love you.’ Then we made love all night long.

    The mistress:
    Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the Leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

    The married woman:
    I sent the kids to my mother’s house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,

    ‘Hey Batman what’s for dinner?’
  • Why doesn't Jesus eat M&M's?

    [hide]Because he's got holes in his hands[/hide]
  • Nice one mick! added to the collection....

    With all this talk of genetically modified food I always read the label before buying lamb wings.

    Isn't it just a little ironic to see a group of pro-lifers throwing eggs at an abortion clinic?

    How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? ........ None.

    There's an old saying:
    An apple a day keeps the doctors away. ........ But nowadays most doctors seem to be Muslim so I find that bacon is far more effective.

    A young executive was leaving the office at 6 pm when he finds a tasty looking blonde standing in front of a shredding machine with a piece of paper in her hand.
    "Excuse me," says the blonde, "its my first day and my boss says this document is very important. Can you make this thing work?"
    "Certainly," says the young executive. He turns the machine on, inserts the paper and presses the start button.
    "Oh, thank you!" says the blonde as the paper disappears inside the machine, "I just need one copy."


    Financial Avice in these dark times. (if you live in the UK)

    If you had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago it would now be worth £4.95,

    with HBOS, earlier this week your £1000 would have been worth £16.50,

    £1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5,



    ......but if you bought £1000 worth of Tennents Lager one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminum re-cycling plant, you would get £214.

    So based on the above statistics the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and re-cycle.



    A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

    She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.

    When he finished it, he said, "quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

    This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

    When it was gone, he said, "quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second."

    "That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

    The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it's started."
  • nicko. :D

    sinar.. that "one copy" joke..... gah!!! lol

    they're all keepers. *bow to a master*

    x
  • Sarah Palin: who knew the Antichrist would have such a cracking pair of tits?




    Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.

    "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

    The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

    "What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."

    The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.

    "That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"

    Number Three Samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!

    In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."

    "Dead, schmead," replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!"
  • While sewing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President .

    The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle."

    Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.

    The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

    The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. "You know she didn't get up there by herself; she doesn't belong up there; she doesn't know what to do while she is up there; and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with."
  • Hmmm... I thought these were to be funny......sounds more political than funny....let's get back to that,,,

    "Sarah Palin right now is training for tomorrow night's vice presidential debate in Arizona. And she says it has really helped her on foreign policy, because from Arizona she can see Mexico.

    A Catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street one day when they see a pair of angelic-looking 12-year-old boys playing football in the park.

    The priest turns to the rabbi, nudges him in the ribs and says:

    "I tell you what; lets go and screw those boys"

    The rabbi looked at him curiously and answered:

    "Out of what?"


    How many Muslims can you fit on a Boeing 747 ?

    Who cares - when they get out of the fucking country we can have a beer to celebrate


    In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?"

    "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher.

    "Forty." she replies.

    "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant."

    The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"

    "Well, dear, how old is your sister?"

    The little girl answers, "Nineteen."

    "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant."

    The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?"

    "How old are you, dear?"

    The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old."

    "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..."

    Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."