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  • peak' said:

    Well I really liked your Aerial joke nick but the tumbleweed one didn't blow me away!



    ha! I thought the Aerial joke was a bit washed out

  • nicko said:

    peak' said:

    Well I really liked your Aerial joke nick but the tumbleweed one didn't blow me away!



    ha! I thought the Aerial joke was a bit washed out



    Hehe
  • chris said:

    really? it had me rolling around the floor...




    :D
  • ha! @ Aerial and tumbleweed followups. :D

    ......

    A mechanical engineer, chemical engineer, electronic engineer, and software engineer are driving in a car.
    The car suddenly dies.
    The mechanical engineer says, "I would suppose that a gear or pulley failed, causing the car to die.
    The chemical engineer says, "I guess that the car is out of fuel and unable to produce combustion."
    The electronic engineer says, "I believe the windings in the coil fails to produce enough spark."
    The software engineer says, "I think we should all get out and then get back in again."


  • Three sons start a cattle ranch, they can't decide on a name for the ranch so they ask their father to suggest one.

    He said, "you should call it the Focus Ranch, because that's where the sun's rays meet."
  • A horse walks into a bar and the barman says "sorry, we don't serve food"
  • nicko said:

    A horse walks into a bar and the barman says "sorry, we don't serve food"



    The bartender then sends the horse to Tesco.

  • blueshead said:

    nicko said:

    A horse walks into a bar and the barman says "sorry, we don't serve food"



    The bartender then sends the horse to Tesco.



    Management at Tesco tell horse that they currently have enough staff


  • A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey then looks into his pocket.

    He does this over and over again.

    Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of whiskey and afterwards look into his pocket.

    The man responded, "I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then I'll go home."

  • I totally misunderstood. I thought we were gonna babble like monkeys about shit... :/
  • As they lay frozen side by side in the lasagne, Shergar turned to Black Beauty:

    "Bloody great hiding place but I always knew they'd Findus."
  • Sorry, just came back to laugh at my own joke. :/
  • lol :D

    (someone's gotta!)
  • A Fazylucker was getting a hand job of his new girlfriend and asked "How come you're so good at this?""Years of practice," she giggled. "Bit of a player in your day eh!?" he laughed. "No" she replied "my dad had no arms!"
  • Hahaha...

    ....eww :D
  • There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.

  • Did you hear about the suicidal homeopath? He took 1/5000th of the recommended dose.
  • Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

    He’s 0K now

  • The last one. :D
  • TESCO EMPLOYEE

    A man in a London Tesco supermarket tries to buy half a cauliflower.
    The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole
    cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy
    says he'll ask his manager about it.

    Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager 'Some prat out
    there wants to buy half a cauliflower.'
    As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right
    behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy
    the other half.'
    The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

    Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you
    got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think
    on their feet here. Where are you from, son?'

    ' Manchester , sir,' the boy replied.

    'Well, why did you leave Manchester ?' the manager asked.

    The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there.'

    'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Manchester .'

    'You're kidding?' replied the boy. 'Who did she play for?'
  • I just bought some aftershave that smells like breadcrumbs.

    The birds love it.
  • fucking lol @ both :D
  • Thanks for those last two - needed that chuckle...

    :D
  • did lol

    image
  • A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

    The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

    The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

    When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.

    This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

    Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

    "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
    "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.

    :D
  • Just asked Siri for a wake up call.

    He sent me a photo of me. Surrounded by empty pizza boxes and cats.
  • haha :D
  • LMFAO @ nicko :D
  • ^N :D :D :D
  • I, for one, like Roman numerals.
  • ~ba dum tish!~
  • two dogs on a coffee break

    dog 1: i heard a great joke.
    dog 2: oh yeah?
    dog 1: knock kno–
    *dog 2 goes fucking nuts*
  • hehe